So maybe I should've posted this here instead.

Posted something tonight on my FB wall:

there should be a freaking notification when somebody freaking unfriends you on FB. not that i really care though, it's just that they have notifications for every freaking thing else, why not for that too? :| (wala gusto ko lang malaman kung sino ang mga pathetic ex-friends ko, thinking they can erase me from their pathetic little lives by unfriending me. ON FB. kung ayaw mo sa 'kin mas ayaw ko sa 'yo, ulul.)

And it came fucking straight from the heart, too. I even included one of my all-time favorite mottoes, plastered on my old Friendster page - kung ayaw mo sa 'kin, mas ayaw ko sa 'yo, ulul. But apparently being pissed off about being unfriended is too mababaw, and I had no proof whatsoever that I was unfriended anyway, so I was told not to be such a feelingera.

So yeah. Maybe I should've posted it here instead. Where only five people will get to read it, and then I wouldn't have spread so much hate in the world (it being the Christmas season and all.) But fuck it.

I'm angry, and frustrated, and I want to hurt some people so badly for making me feel like this. But I won't because in all honesty I don't have a choice, and I deserve it, and at the same time I don't. So I posted something stupid and mababaw on Facebook instead. And feelingera is all I get.

Honestly there are not enough cuss words in the world I can say to make up for everything I want to say. :|

It's indecent to be this happy.

One month bukas. Putsa may ganun.

ang sama-sama ko ba.

yun lang.

Malapit na ang anniversary ng pinaka-close na batch ng Action :D

Lapit na nga anniversary ng batch namin. Popost ko sa FB yung QQs namin para malaos lahat ng ILAWS jan. Wala lang, waaaahahahahaha XD

悔しいです。

After barely a month in Japan, I will be going home tomorrow. I'd like to think I wasn't THAT much worse than the competition, and maybe the client chose them over us not because they were necessarily better. Just cheaper, maybe.

Ewan ko.

I know what I can do, and I think the client knows too. Everybody knows it. I'M NOT CUT OUT TO BE A PROGRAMMER. Fuck pointers. Fuck them all to hell, I say. Sana lang, after all is said and done, I hope the client didn't think we were that bad, and I hope they recognized that Baato and me did all that we could to learn what they had to teach us within the short month of our stay. (They could never blame me for not trying.)

Actually I had trouble saying goodbye to them kanina (kaya siguro ako nagblog, nalulungkot ako e.) We weren't able to finish testing our code, for one. Naiwan sa kanila yung sangkatutak na test cases na ginawa namin. Nakakahiya. That's number one. (In all fairness to me and Sir Bert it's working perfectly, we just didn't finish formalizing the document.) Number two, mukha kaming talunan ni Baato kasi nagbababay na kami sa kanila after one month habang naiwan pa rin yung Vietnamese competition. Ganun ba kami ka-olats mag-code at mag-Nihongo? Hindi nila kami mapagtiisan ng two months man lang? The competition pronounces "tsuuchi" (notification) as "chichin", fer chrissakes. If you hear their Japanese it sounds so dirty, wtf. Anyway, last but not least, okay yung mga tao. I could tell some of them were genuinely interested in us and wanted to be friends. I wanted to be friends with them too. I am in favor of promoting the Philippines to the Japanese people. (Hello Arashi.) Pero seryoso. Effort din sila tumulong kahit balu-baluktot ako magsalita and I barely understood them. Yun yung pinakamabigat sa loob ko e - nagbabay ako sa kanila na hindi ko na-express yung gratitude ko sa kanila at yung 申し訳ない feelings ko dahil I am not the programmer they ordered. (They probably figured I wasn't worth AWS' asking price.)

I didn't even leave an e-mail address. Parang, after a whole month of working together, kalimutan na. Parang nawalan ako ng isang buwan sa buhay ko. Malamang sila din.

結局に、I couldn't say goodbye because I was too choked up to say it.

But don't get me wrong. I'm happy I'm coming home. It's where I belong. I'm at my best as Tita Jamie. Sa Japan walang ganun e.

Sigh. Leaving just always makes me so sad. :(

Martin is an effing tsundere.

The origin of this conversation is this Facebook post by Martin:

Martin De Leon  Why do I have such loser friends like JMe Zamodio?

whose origin in turn was this post. Anyway!

[21:45] mar10dl: ano ka, may XXXX na si XXXX
[21:45] mar10dl: i miss you bakel
[00:43] japz20: hahaha namiss mo 'ko dahil dun?!? naalala mo 'ko dahil may XXXX na si XXXX na XXXX?!?
[00:43] japz20: 
[00:43] japz20: miss you too bakel
[00:43] japz20: 
[00:49] mar10dl: hahaha oo
[00:50] mar10dl: tas naisip ko bat ang loser mo
[00:50] mar10dl: 
[00:50] mar10dl: 
[00:52] japz20: hayuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppppp

Bawal mang-tsundere ng kaibigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn. Good thing Martin has the natural charms to con me into missing him too, though. Bastard.

I am SOOOOO going to watch this movie.

WTFwtfwtfwtfwtfwtfWTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

Imagine me screaming that inside my head for fear of offending my quiet Japanese neighbors. WTF NINO. Arashi is supposed to be wholesome, right? How can I keep my thoughts wholesome with this:

Taken from my new favorite fan site, uoe. Ok it's not really clear what he's doing, but I hope it's not what I think he is doing. Dammit Nino acts so well, looking at his eyes alone it's impossible not to know what he's doing. (To Shibasaki Kou. Or Horikita Maki. Or, if rumors are to be believed, Nagasawa Masami. ;)) )

From http://asianmediawiki.com/Ohoku:
"Ohoku" is set in a fictional Edo era Japan where woman have become the dominant members of society and the males are sought after for their ability to produce children. The reversed roles of the genders were caused by a mysterious epidemic that dropped the male population to 1/4th its prior state.
Under this setting, a young man (played by Kazunari Ninomiya) enters the inner chambers of the Shogun's castle to vie among 3,000 other men for the affection of the female shogun (played by Kou Shibasaki). 

(Personally Nino wouldn't have too vie for my affection, I don't care who the other 2,999 are. Except if one of them is Ohno, and that would be a totally different story.) Anyway the movie also stars the aforementioned Shibasaki Kou (of Battle Royale fame), Horikita Maki (of HanaKimi fame), and Tamaki Hiroki (Chiaki-senpai of Nodami Cantabile fame). That's for you, non-Arashi fans.

Official site here. Opens October 1. Film looks promising, premise of Nino bed scene notwithstanding. I ♥ Shibasaki Kou, anyway. Honest!

Update: Ok this is totally wrong. It's possible this scene is with a guy.


I gotta go lie down.

For my ex-Facebook friend Martin Richard Aragon de Leon

Martin and I have been friends... around six years. It all ended today when I posted the following picture on Facebook.

Comment nya:
Martin De Leon: Jamie I'm un-friending you because of this post. Email-email nalang ha.

Last week he left me an offline message:
mar10dl: uso sa japan mag bakla-baklaan???
mar10dl: tangina ambabading ng mga lalake sa posters mo

My reply:
jMe: nagsalita ang hindi napagkakamalang bading a! (totoo naman.)

I am still hoping for a reconciliation somewhere down the road. But for now, I honestly couldn't care less because OH MY GOD IT'S NINO AND AIBA KISSINGGGGGG, AAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH ♥♥♥ (there are not enough hearts in the world, people.)

Ahem. So yun lang.

Lyrics post after 7593248750329 years

Yeah it was a bad day at work. The client forced me to review some document, and of course I know like 0.000000000001% of their stuff so far (after one and a half weeks of staring at a laptop), and I looked and sounded exactly what I was when I was reviewing it in front of everybody (which is somebody WHO DOES NOT KNOW, DUH), and to make the long story short today SUCKED.

But Anyway. 
by Splender.

I think I've had enough
I think I might errupt
I'm looking for some information
It's digging in the skin
Whenever I begin
There's gonna be a complication

I take another breath
It's deeper than the rest
I'm swimming to the final breaker
It's sitting in my mouth
I wanna get it out
I wanna know when something's on

But, anyway
I just can't be myself today
Apparently
But, anyway
'cause nothing seems to come to me
So easily
But, anyway
'cause I mistake my memories
For company
But what a day
I've gotta say
I can't believe in myself today

Sitting on the bed
Everything finger spread
Looking for some motivation
If I can offend
I'll try to fit it in
And I don't need an explanation

I think I better wake
I'm starting to deflate
I'm looking for some compensation
I'll never understand
I'll never be a man
When I don't know what somethigs on
But, anyway
I just can't be myself today
Apparently
But, anyway
'cause nothing seems to come to me
Not possibly
But, anyway
'cause I mistake my symphony
For suffering
Oh what a day
I've gotta say
I can't believe in myself this way

And I'll face it face down the long way
And I'll face it face down the long way

I think it's got an end
I think it's gonna bend
I think I got a new impression
So tell me how I look
Tell me what I took
To try to keep the conversation
I think I'll get it right
I'm fucking with the light
I'll turn it to the situation
I'm doing what I can
I never understand
When I don't see when somethings on

But, anyway
I just can't be myself today
Apparently
But, anyway
'cause nothing seems to come to me
So happily
But, anyway
'cause I mistake my memories
For company
But what a day
I've gotta say
They're getting harder to separate

But, anyway
I just can't be myself today
Apparently
But, anyway
'cause nothing seems to come to me
Not possibly
But, anyway
'cause I mistake my symphony
For suffering
But what a day
I've gotta say
I can't believe in myself today
I can't believe in myself today
I can't believe in myself today
I can't believe in myself today

I can't believe in myself today.

During the review this Vietnamese guy was explaining something to me in Japanese, and he had this fucking smug look in his face, and after every other statement that he made he would turn to me and the client and then ask me, "Wakarimasuu?" in this half-patronizing, half-condescending tone (Emphasis on the irritating ~suu sound; "Did you get that?" for you non-Japanese-infected people; "You have this look on your face that tells me that you didn't understand me, how fucking stupid are you?" was what I heard inside my head.) I found out the other day that they don't use English much in Vietnam. How about I talk to him in English and ask him if he understood what 1.8 billion other people could. UGH BAD TRIP TALAGA. I did not fucking sign up for this. Required ba talaga ang humiliation at trauma sa lahat ng JP assignments? Hello asa Itami ba ulit ako? Hello?

But Anyway. Sakto tumugtog sa iTouch ko nung pauwi na kami. After nun tumugtog naman, "Kimi wa Sukoshi mo Warukunai" by my homeboys Arashi. It loosely means "You are not bad at all."

See? That's why I ♥ those guys. The one good thing that happened to me today, and it was all brought to me by Arashi and the iPod shuffle option. Pathetic.

Been in Japan a week now. Guess what I've been up to.

You know you're obsessed with Arashi when...

Stolen from jpoplover101 :D

RULES: Bold what applies to you - apparently even if i make the text bold hindi halata... kukulayan ko na lang :) Ok everybody, this list (taken from another Arashi fan) proves that I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD. AND I AM NOT CRAZY FOR LOVING ARASHI THIS MUCH, HARHARHAR XD

So anyway. On to the list!

1. you were baited by Jun-kun.
2. anything over 49kg is “fat”.
3. the best dancer in Johnny’s is Ohno, period.
4. you’re forever daydreaming and imagining…about Arashi and you.
5. you save for NatsuCon…the whole year, 2 years, 10 years, etc.
6. only true idols get extremely popular after putting stockings over their head, wearing nipples shirts and daisy dukes.
7. you’re envious of the Arashi FC members.
8. you’re envious of anyone that lives in japan. - hmm... no, not really. contrary to fangirl daydreams you can't find arashi that easily even when you're in japan. 
9. every time a new single comes out, you bounce around the room in joy and watch the PV (promotional video) 19074546 times.

10. despite how poor you are, somehow you manage to buy all albums/singles. - just concert DVDs for me. :D

11. the first kanji you memorized is 嵐 - “arashi”. (this or 松本潤 lol) - nah, it was 愛, I think. and then 道明寺. meteor garden influences.
12. and then the kanji of all the members’ names.

13. when speaking japanese you only know “male” dominated words such as “omae” “umai” “kuse” - yeah... made a speech out of it pa nga.

14. eating expired food is not crazy at all, but funny.
15. when someone mentions ‘Bambi’, it’s Sho or Jun that you think of, not the Disney movie.
16. no matter how many times, you always cry when watching Aiba read his letter on 24 hr TV.
17. you want a pet and his name is Momo.
18. you name things after Arashi such as pets, computers, your external HD. - why have i not thought of this?!?

19. The Sims is a game you started just so you can have characters named after Arashi - no, but I have Arashi Mii's on my Wii. just like in their commercial.♥

20. the best university in all of Japan is Keio, period.
21. you’ve bought a baby blue DS.
22. you didn’t know Jun was the youngest.
23. you didn’t know Ohno was the oldest.

24. before Arashi, S&M was disturbing. Now it’s just an everyday part of life.
25. one of the main reasons your computer lives is to download Arashi stuff. - more  like i already forgot it could be used for anything else.

26. you’ve cried after your hard drive crashed.
27. no matter how many times you burn things off, your hard drive is always full.
28. you’ve sat your friends down and began the history on Arashi.

29. your friends can put names to faces. 

30. when asked if you have a boyfriend, you have casually said “yes” and pictured one of the members.

31. you wish that Johnny’s stuff wouldn’t be so expensive.

 32. spent it 5 minutes after you vowed this because a new photo album came out.

33. there is an Arashi photo that you see everyday - on a car, pencil case, wallet, planner… - PC, iTouch wallpaper, keychain, uchiwa, and by the way the train car i ride in the mornings has an arashi ad for green heart kirin beer above the door, so it's like they're saying ohayo to me every morning before i go to work ♥

34. your cell phone wallpaper is Arashi. - ohno ♥

35. your cell phone ring tone is Arashi. - love so sweet.
36. Aiba has the best English in all of Japan. (Danger! Very danger! One moment! You are crazy! XDXD)
37. December 24th is not Christmas Eve, it is “Aiba’s Birthday”.
38. when going to karaoke you sing at least 1 Arashi song. AT LEAST. - if not all.

39. when singing in the car or anywhere, you MUST follow the hand motions during the chorus - nah i'm not crazy
40. you’ve been jealous of animals.
41. you read “asahi” as “arashi”.
42. the best actor in Japan is Nino, period. In Asia! Period!
43. short guys is DEFINITELY okay
44. guys with bad skin is okay too
45. guys skinnier than me, that’s okay too

46. Arashi is the best group, ever. when someone says “captain” or “leader”, the first person you think of is Ohno.

 47. sometimes you hear “Nino” instead of “Nemo”.
48. therefore you buy Nemo things thinking of Nino.
49. Ohno should be a world-renowned artist.
50. you’ve come to tolerate/love other Johnny’s artists because of Arashi. - yeah i'm developing a slight crush on matsuoka-kun from TOKIO because he and ohno are pretty tight
51. you’ve pulled all-nighters to wait for videos, scans, reports
52. sometimes you wonder if Arashi are idols or comedians or cute little kids.

53. you start off with a favorite Arashi song, but soon after you can’t decide. 

54. you plan on going to Japan because of Arashi. - i didn't plan it, but one of the reasons I did go to japan is arashi hihi

55. you start giggling to yourself after finding something “Japanese”.
56. when you meet someone Japanese the first thing you want to do is ask is whether they know Arashi. - i try to restrain myself, though.
57. Nino should be a professional song writer.
58. the only man that can pull off a belly button ring is Sho.
59. neon-colored suits are completely acceptable for any occassion.
60. when someone says “tension” you think “Aiba.”

61. your parents know Arashi songs and the members’ name. - she knows all of them. her favorite is ohno :)

62. gotten into a fight with siblings about Arashi.
63. have arashi posters but won’t put them up because you’re afraid you’ll ruin them.
64. when people pronounces Nino’s name wrong it annoys you.
65. like to yell out “YEAH!” at the end of things.
66. like to yell out “DO IT!” as your motivation.
67. fancams are heaven sent.
68. you buy CDs but listen to download versions because you don’t want to open your album copy.
69. you wish you could befriend Ohno’s mom.
70. many times you have looked down at their pants and have been pleasantly surprised. Now you can’t stop looking there.

71. you are envious of people like Inoue mao, Suzuki Ann and Ayoi Yu. (Yes, yes yes! omg!!)
72. you have gone down the list of “requirements for arashi’s girlfriend/wife” and started to change certain aspects of yourself so you have more points. - i read somewhere that nino's only requirement is that the girl should know how to speak Japanese... ok i'm getting there nino, hahaha ♥

73. Guys who paint their nails are okay.

74. Don’t mind the fact that the guy owns 100000X more clothes than you. 

75. Watching several Japanese variety shows a week without understanding any Japanese, just to watch their faces is absolutely normal
76. You don’t listen to English songs anymore because you listen to Arashi all the time.
77. You get to have a new set of friends (online) because of Arashi.
78. The songs you play over and over again in your mp3 is Arashi’s.
79. Ordered Skinny Latte coffee takeout from Starbucks so that they can write “SK” on the cup and told them your name’s “Ohmiya”.

80. Guys who can cross their legs are totally acceptable.
81. You watched Gokusen / Kimi Wa Petto / Bambino / Tokyo Tower / Hana Yori Dango 1&2 / etc. just for MatsuJun. - will watch. only watched gokusen and hanadan so far.

82. Guys kissing / hugging each other / holding hands is no problem now. - rather than "no problem", more like "can not get enough" hahaha XD

Yes, so basically outside work, I'm still doing what I've always been doing - watching Arashi stuff on my PC (my brand spanking new Lenovo IdeaPad G460). Oh, and now since I'm in Japan, add "watching Arashi shows real time on TV" to my activities. God, the last Himitsu was soooo funny... and apparently it was the highest-rated episode ever. Siguro kasi nanood ako, hihi ♥

Anyway, right now I'm in Hannah and Roda's place, getting ready for our Tokyo tour tomorrow with Cathy Candano. Gonna take TONS of pictures. Expect to see lots of cosplayers, maids, and artsy stuff on my Facebook account in the near future. (Thank you Ryan Chan for the tour tips. I won't ask why you know what the most popular maid cafe in Akihabara is. :D )

So! Gotta goes muna. Will probably blog again if I run into Anjo at the station or something, wahahaha XD Ja ne～♪

Ohmiya: 1. Sakuraiba: 0. No, you will not understand this post.

Everybody knows I ♥ Arashi with all my ♥. (If you knew them you would too, I promise.) But still, a girl's gotta have her ichiban. Watching all these Japanese shows makes you want to rank everything. Anyway here's mine. (The pictures are just baaad, but that's not my fault, though.)

Rank	Arashi Ranking Favorite (Top) to Least Favorite (Bottom)

So since it is getting late I will only be talking about Ohno and Nino today. I could go on all day about how much or why I love Arashi, but because I have to get up at 8 tomorrow I will only be fangirling my ichibans (number 1's) Ohno and Nino, collectively known as Ohmiya.

I love Ohno and Nino the same amount probably because although they are idols with probably millions of adoring fangirls, in private I personally think they don't get what the fuss is all about. They both look like people who don't take themselves too seriously, and are probably self-deprecating, too. And they have raw talent. Oh yes. Ohno is literally (and I am not exaggerating) pure freaking sex when he does his dance solos at their concerts. He has an awesome singing voice. (This is a Johnny we're talking about, people. Hear SMAP sing live once and you'll know what I'm talking about.) He is the second best actor in Arashi. (You'll find out who's the best in a while.) He fishes in his spare time. He's an excellent artist, with an exhibition to his name. And he never runs out of random quips that are just so terribly funny. You think he's just spacing out in the corner, but next thing you know Sho is literally dying with laughter with what Ohno said. Plus, Ohno is Arashi's leader, famously despite (because of?) his lack of leadership skills. I just love that. (That is just genius on their PR. Well done, Johnny.)

Nino, on the other hand, is the smartest member. All of Japan thinks Sho, the Keio boy, the first Johnny to get a college degree (from a Japanese Ivy League university, no less) is the smartest Arashi, right? Nope, it's the Neen, you guys. Plus, he's evil. With him on the team, how Arashi manages to be wholesome top idols is truly beyond my understanding. And of course, a rundown of Nino's top qualities will always include his inclusion in the Clint Eastwood-directed, critically-acclaimed WWII movie "Letters from Iwo Jima". Even if he wasn't in Arashi I would still think he is one of the best Japanese actors I ever watched. I swear, everytime he cries in one of his dramas or in one of his movies, I would be bawling my eyes out. Nobody should ever have that kind of power over me, dammit. When asked why he thought he was chosen by Eastwood, Nino's answer? "Well, I have to say, since I'm in Johnny's... basically it's because I had a nice face." I love how he always fucks around during interviews, it is just pure gold.

And of course, the common denominator why I love Ohmiya... they are just too cute for worrrddsss. I swear. (If you knew me before Arashi I was normal. I would never have described any body as "too cute for worrrddsss.") And they are complete dorks, as everyone in Arashi is.♥

Anyway, almost one o'clock. I leave you now with pictures of the dynamic duo, who have possibly toppled Taylor Hanson off the top of my list of Celebrities I Will Forever Be Hung Up On.

Lastly, I ♥ them because they just loooooooove each other so much, probably the most showy of all the Arashi pairings. Completely an old married couple. (See picture above of Nino pointing out that Ohno's zipper had been open since the start of the show.) Just blatant touching and hugging and kissing and... okay you're getting creeped out. Blame the Japanese and their culture of fan service! Aaaarghhhhhh...

Anyway. Enough fangirling. Need to sleep. Tanabata tomorrow. Gotta think of a wish. Nyt!

P.S. Please if you are Johnny Kitagawa or anyone from Johnny's or J-Storm, Arashi is yours I am not their owner (God I wish I was) so please don't sue me. Oh, and thanks to all the people who uploaded the photos above... so sorry I can't name any of you :-s

またきてね♥: A farewell card

Was running around the Makati office the whole day soliciting messages from people. Really fun, made me remember the time when Jim and I were making the farewell card for Anjo, and then the time when Dulce and I were making the one for Jim. (Hmm, gotta post those too someday.)

Anyway here's the cover:

I already plastered it all over Facebook, might as well put it here na rin. Ang kyut di ba.♥

thank you christopher walken

Do I have to do this every FUCKING year

If you knew me, for the past ten years, you'd know June 27 has been kinda weird for me.


In 2000, it was the day I was on my way to Ateneo (barely a freshman) and I got in a car accident serious enough to give me two stitches smack in the middle of my head (and lose a contact lens in the process of getting my face banged against a windshield. To this day I can never imagine how it detached itself from my eye.) Yes, until now I still have the tiniest poknat peeking out between my bangs. The only reason I remember the date of that accident is because I made a mental note to myself saying that I should remember June 27 as the date of that accident. Yeah, I started not to make sense after that accident.


Fast forward to 2008. (Sorry I didn't know June 27 was gonna be something until I realized it tonight so I wasn't keeping track.) It was the day a guy I wasn't planning on liking but for better or for worse liked anyway went away, but before doing so, gave me the best - most mature? - goodbye I ever got from a guy I really liked. (Yeah, best of the three.) Probably because we never had a real relationship, but still, he could've just left without saying goodbye. But he did, and because of this blog I will never forget it. Best line from the posts from that time?

Nung gabi na at durog-durog na yung puso ko kakahintay sa babay nya
lumapit sya sa 'kin.

Syeettt ang cheesy. Pero sobrang swak men pramis, yun talaga naramdaman ko nung gabing yun. Dahil sa linyang yan hindi ko makakalimutan pano maging durog-durog ang puso SYET. (Kung sino man ang magbabasa nitong blog ko at may balak akong kausapin tungkol dito PLEASE WAG NA. Bawal akong tuksuhin tungkol sa ka-cheesyhan ng linyang yun kasi madudurog lang ulit ang puso ko. Joke.)


June 27, 2009. Exactly a year after he left, I totally forgot it was exactly a year after he left because I was too damn depressed about leaving Japan. Fuck it was my home, MY HOME FOR TWO WHOLE YEARS. Yeah some, maybe most of the time I wanted nothing else but to go home to the Philippines, but still.

Siguro less than a month na lang ang itatagal ko dito. Antagal ko nang hinihiling nitong pag-uwi na 'to men.

Matapos kong maranasan sa Japan ang lahaaaaat ng klaseng kahihiyan, lahat ng pagod, hirap, hinanakit, pag-iyak, ito pa pala ang piiinakamalupet sa lahat: ang pamamaalam.

Kanina binuking ako ni Kuya kina Mr. Nonki na uuwi na 'ko in a month (kahit na ilang beses kong pinagpilitang wag na wag nyang sasabihin.) Hindi ko sinasadya, pero sumakto sa 'kin ang mga katagang "burst out crying."

Parang ngayon lang nangyari yun sa buong buhay ko.

If you read my posts while I was still in Japan, you are guaranteed to become depressed. It was fucking torture, and I might not look it but I express torture well. (In my biography the chapter tackling those years will become known as the punny "Japanese Occupation.") I felt fucking stupid most of the time, especially at work, especially around Anjo, and you may not believe it but I am not a person who likes feeling stupid. I may not have been the person in the class with the highest grades, but you can bet your ass I was one hell of an underachiever. And proud. Anyway I digress. As I was saying, it was fucking torture. But, as all good things, all torture must come to an end. And the goodbyes, as you may guess, wasn't much of a surprise: fucking torture.


Because of the posts above as I said I realized June 27 has been significant for me in the last ten years. Well, at least this year was significant because I spent the night of the 27th at home, in a fetal position, having the worst cramps EVER, and all the great home-cooked meals my mom cooked for the weekend were retracing their steps up my throat and jack knifing out of my mouth just for kicks and I couldn't do anything because I was IN TOO MUCH PAAAIINNN and all Utoy and Ashley could do was sit beside me pat my head and tell their tita "Wawa youuuu. :( "


Yeah, so, basically, June 27 is a day of pain for me. Every year. Literally, figuratively, heart-breakingly, tear-jerkingly, gut-wrenchingly, painful. It's like a fucking curse.Wtf.


Anyway. 4:30 na pala. I decided to post after I finished watching Hana Yori Dango Final today and googled for some reviews and found out it was first shown on June 28, 2008 (I dare call myself a fan and watch the goddamn movie the first time exactly two years after it was first shown) and then remember that was the day after Anjo left.

Ok I'll shut up now.

Eto na naman po tayo.

Dahil may internet na 'ko sa bahay, nabuhay muli ang aking blog.
Simulan na lang natin sa quotable quotes kasi wala pa 'kong maisip.


Di nyo lang alam pero nangongolekta pa rin ako ng QQs. Tinatabi ko lang sa My Documents folder ko sa office. Ang galing ko di ba.

YM Status Series #1: Happy Birthday Riida ♥
bucchie: birthday ba ni ba-to ngayon?
jMe: hindi po
jMe: nung leader ng arashi
bucchie: aaahh
jMe: saka sir kung bday po ni baato hindi ko po lalagyan ng heart
bucchie: hehe
bucchie: may asawa kasi si baato.. malay ko ba
jMe: waaaaahahahahahaha
jMe: one point for you sir butch
bucchie: thank you
jMe: :))

Riida:

Sir Bert (center):

Wala natawa lang ako. Ang galing ni Sir Butch e, wahahahaha XD


Anyway, eto naman ang napili kong QQ of the Day.

QQ of the Day

bianx: sige sige

bianx: haha

bianx: oy, matulog ka na!

bianx: may ot ka pa bukas

bianx: :))

Tama naman sya di ba. Haha. Sige yun lang. Masabi lang na nag-post.

yeah, i've become THAT kind of fan already.

 So I learned today that there is a Japanese word for fans who only fangirl Arashi and only Arashi - あらせん (AraSen). "Ara" from Arashi, and "Sen" from "Senmon", meaning specialty.

Yeah, apparently I am that. And proud!

Wahahahahaha XD

So last Saturday we finally had DSL installed into our tiny condo (yay!) and I looked up some Arashi videos to download for my iTouch, and came across the live 5x10 performance from the 5x10Anniversary Tour. Suffice to say I had tears in my eyes watching it at our office balcony Monday noon having my lunch break yosi. Shet drama. Pero ang ganda men. Sakto pa badtrip ako nung Monday, sumwak sa senti mood.

So. Eto yung parang commemorative song na they wrote themselves for their 10th anniversary last year. Astig kasi parang inincorporate nila yung lyrics nung iba't ibang kanta nila. E since sobrang adik ako, medyo marami-rami rin akong na-identify na kinuhanan nilang kanta. Basta ang ganda talaga men, hindi ako nagsasawang pakinggan.

5x10
Track no.: 16 (Disc 2)
Album: 5x10 All the BEST! 1999-2009
Lyric: Arashi
Music: youth case
Arrangement: ha-j

出逢った数年　あれは偶然な気もするね　気付けば10年
空に舞い上がってゆく風船
華奢な5人で乗り込む　揺れる船
”ただ笑っとこう・・・”　”きっと夢が叶うとこ・・・”
そう言い聞かせてた頃の過去も現在胸にまとう（yeah）

焦り　不安　憤りばっか　なんか感じていた日々もあったな
でもあなたがいてくれたから　その笑顔温かかったから
歩いて来れたんだね（yeah）　横に並びつかんだ手（yeah）
この過ごした時間さえ・・・ってなんかね　いまはまだただ照れるね

体中に風を集めた僕ら、支えきれない悲しみも、
あなたがいたから　笑顔に出来た。

無邪気に奏でた不協和音は、色んな世界を見てきたんだ。
気が付けばいつの間にかそれが、僕らになってた。

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

”一歩一歩”近い道などないなら　信じる道を行くしかないから
もしもあなたが泣いたら　ここでまた逢おうよ
この相変わらずなヤツらからただ愛贈る（yeah）　共に望む未来 for you （yeah）
先の山は風で越える　飛べる
僕らの色で辺り染める　yeah

ひとりぼっちで覗いた空を、あなたも見ているのかな？
なら、歌うよ。　空に向かって・・・そう力の限り。

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

僕ら交わした声が消えないのならば、誓えるよこの愛を100年先も。
笑顔が咲いてますように。

ずっとずっと心にあるんだ。　だからこそ伝えてみたいんだ。
ありがとう・・・　”これからもありがとう”

ここに立ってる。　僕たちが今、輝けるのは君がいるから
5人でいる。　ずっといる。
今までを力に変えて、変わらぬ愛で包み込んだら
永遠が、ほら永遠が
僕と君だけに生まれたんだ。

La la la la・・・

Love Love for you


Medyo weird lang yung last line, biglang naging English, hahaha :)) Pero ayun na nga, naisingit nila yung lyrics ng A.RA.SHI., Love So Sweet, Beautiful Days, Step and Go, at iba pa sa isang kantang basically pasasalamat sa fans nila sa pagtangkilik sa kanila for the past ten years. Stig di ba.

Na-realize ko lang, nawiwirduhan ako dati sa mga taong nagbblog in Chinese, Japanese... pota tas ganun na rin ako. Arashi kasi e.

Ayun.

So as usual, para makalimutan ang lungkot, Arashi lang talaga ang solusyon. Parang asa Japan lang a.

Tayo-tayo rin ang magkakasama sa finish line.

Opis na naman. Dapat may perfect attendance award ako e. For weekends.

Ayun. Nalaman namin last week na malapit nang matapos 'to.
Hindi matatawaran ang nakaraang tatlong taon. Pag tinanong ako kung ano ang inatupag ko sa buong professional life ko so far, isang pangalan lang ang naiisip ko - KMBT.

Andito kami sa opis ngayon - ako, si Dulce, si Angel, si Ken - tuloy pa rin. Si Jim lang kulang.

Sa 'min nagsimula. Mukhang sa 'min din magtatapos.

At least someone thinks we were friends.

Buried as an afterthought in today's mail from my little birdie (ex-boss) in Hachiouji was the following line (though most of you probably read it off my YM status today):

あ、そういえば、ジェイミーさんと仲の良かった、Anjoさんは去年の年末でいなくなりましたよ・・・
なかなか厳しい時代ですね。

Translation: Speaking of which, you know the guy you were close with, Anjo, he was gone by the end of last year... really difficult times, no.

No explanation. The term he used to describe Anjo - "inakunarimashita" - literally means "became not there." What, did he die (of heartbreak over my going home)? Quit his job (as resident know-it-all of Dev11)? Lose his job (because our company keeps taking all the projects from the Japanese)?

Probably the third one (although still hoping it's the first). I don't think my boss would say it was sad if he quit. He probably got laid off. God on second thought I hope he quit though, for a new and better job. He's got a family to feed, fer chrissakes. (See, I probably won't burn in hell.)

Anyway. It's been like two years oh my God has it been that long? Siyet I only realized it while I was typing the words, "It's been like two years". Two years since the Anjo in Itami days, when I would literally freeze each time he entered the hard core smoking room while I was in there, when I would be over the moon over a single smile, when I would literally die with a single word. Two whole years since the Anjo thing started.

I guess it all started as a subconscious effort to avoid Jim's wrath if we both crushed over the same guy in Itami. Since Jim already staked his claim(s), and since Anjo was HELLO, THE HOTTEST THING IN ITAMI, I never had a chance. My whole Japan experience would then proceed to be divided into the periods "Before Anjo left Itami", "After Anjo left Itami", and "When I ran into Anjo in Hachiouji and we had a couple of drinks". I even stopped blogging after that time. "Parang tumigil ang mundo ko sa Hachiouji." Pathetic, yes? Don't worry, I actually know that.

Ugh it feels so weird writing after so long. I feel like I'm not making sense anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore. Hmm siguro kasi dati motivation ko mag-blog about Anjo... since wala na sya, ano nang isusulat ko? Arashi na lang. Kaso ako lang makakarelate dun, naaawa naman ako sa inyo. Sige praktis na lang ako magsulat ulit. Good thing I have PC+Internet na here at our old Citiland condo.

Utoy, on his first visit to the condo: (thoughtfully) "It kinda looks like The Grudge."

Sorry walang sense ang post. I... 'm not sure if what I learned today should actually affect me or not, since I don't now and probably won't see Anjo again anyway.

Either way, he's gone. And it does. Goddamit.