Tonight I Can Write... Again.

This is the radio edit of the post. Mashadong bulgar yung before e, baka makarating na sa kinauukulan.

I'm sorry I never told you how much I still loved you even after everything, and I'm sorry you thought I never could accept your flaws. That's not true. Because you were mine, and you were perfect.

I'm sorry I was such a disappointment to you. And I'm not even being sarcastic. I'm sorry I didn't fight enough for us, chickening out even before the fight happened. I'm sorry I wasn't as supportive of you as I should have been. But most of all I'm sorry I'm saying all of this now to everyone else on the internet but not to you, years ago, when you would have given a shit. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her."

- Pablo Neruda, "Tonight I Can Write"

--Posted by jMe to On hanging out, moving on, and lighting my own joint. at 9/7/2004 08:35:08 PM



"It just hit me, na para kang nakipagbreak sa akin for a second time."

I really didn't mean for things to seem that way. You know that. We've been through so many of that already... it's not even a second time. More like the thirtieth. And anyway a break up with someone, especially you, is the last thing I need.

Dulce is playing "Paalam Na" as I write this. Huh.

This whole affair - thing - is killing me. I'm sorry for everything. But still, it's the right thing to do. I don't expect you or anybody else to understand - even I don't understand what I did - but there. It's done, and I can't take it back.

These things alone do I regret: things left unsaid.

--Posted by jMe to On hanging out, moving on, and lighting my own joint at 10/15/2004 11:29:29 AM


I think, finally, it's over. There are still a few things to settle, pero I'm happy to report na pag nalalasing ako hindi na yun ang somehow nagiging topic ng diskusyon, at hindi ko na rin dinededicate yung mga Gudang ko dun. Ayokong i-jinx ang feeling na 'to by saying it out loud, pero gusto ko lang i-express talaga e... anlaking weight off my chest, alamuyon?

Salamat sa mga kaibigan ko... grabe talaga yung mga yun. Ito ang mga messages na pumupuno ng inbox ng phone ko:

"Let bygones be bygones... No matter what you feel you have to move on... That's the only solution... i-realize mo kung ano ka na ngayon... Face it..." - Adrian
"Move on!" - Adnan
"Stop loving him and start loving yourself!" - Joe/Cholo
"Nyt jmevoi... sweet dreams sana di mu na [sha] habulin..." - gpvoi
"How's my baby? Hope you're doing fine. Kumain ka na ba? Take care.Ü" - Mama


Kaya kailangan ko na talaga ng bagong blog title.

s2dio revival

Walang kalaman-laman ang blog ko. Hindi presentable. Recycled entries lang ang katapat ng problemang 'to, haha Ü

Di na black blog ko, Jun.

Nagrereklamo sina Jun at Tens na dapat bago na raw theme ng blog ko... so eto na yun. Gusto ku sana i-overhaul, as in ibang-iba talaga lahat, pero wala akong maisip na bagong blog title. May suggestions ba kayo, kayong iilang taong nagbabasa ng blog ko? Sige na, yung maganda... tinatamad ako mag-isip e. Haay.

Shetness. Parang after two weeks of not having a blog, nakalimutan ko na kung paano magsulat dito. Fuck blogger for deleting my blog. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I'm back.

Just so you know, I lost my blog just last week - s2dio.blogspot.com - and I'm simply gonna chalk it up to Blogger maintenance problems. I'll sue them next week for negligence and shit. They asked me for an email address to send my user account to (because apparently it suddenly didn't exist anymore), so I put down my Yahoo! address, and they send me this account that I've totally forgotten because I created it almost two years ago, which was, as you know, a past life. So it's an old username, an old blog, but it's still s2dio.

Kaya eto na naman ako.