Do I have to do this every FUCKING year

If you knew me, for the past ten years, you'd know June 27 has been kinda weird for me.


In 2000, it was the day I was on my way to Ateneo (barely a freshman) and I got in a car accident serious enough to give me two stitches smack in the middle of my head (and lose a contact lens in the process of getting my face banged against a windshield. To this day I can never imagine how it detached itself from my eye.) Yes, until now I still have the tiniest poknat peeking out between my bangs. The only reason I remember the date of that accident is because I made a mental note to myself saying that I should remember June 27 as the date of that accident. Yeah, I started not to make sense after that accident.


Fast forward to 2008. (Sorry I didn't know June 27 was gonna be something until I realized it tonight so I wasn't keeping track.) It was the day a guy I wasn't planning on liking but for better or for worse liked anyway went away, but before doing so, gave me the best - most mature? - goodbye I ever got from a guy I really liked. (Yeah, best of the three.) Probably because we never had a real relationship, but still, he could've just left without saying goodbye. But he did, and because of this blog I will never forget it. Best line from the posts from that time?

Nung gabi na at durog-durog na yung puso ko kakahintay sa babay nya
lumapit sya sa 'kin.

Syeettt ang cheesy. Pero sobrang swak men pramis, yun talaga naramdaman ko nung gabing yun. Dahil sa linyang yan hindi ko makakalimutan pano maging durog-durog ang puso SYET. (Kung sino man ang magbabasa nitong blog ko at may balak akong kausapin tungkol dito PLEASE WAG NA. Bawal akong tuksuhin tungkol sa ka-cheesyhan ng linyang yun kasi madudurog lang ulit ang puso ko. Joke.)


June 27, 2009. Exactly a year after he left, I totally forgot it was exactly a year after he left because I was too damn depressed about leaving Japan. Fuck it was my home, MY HOME FOR TWO WHOLE YEARS. Yeah some, maybe most of the time I wanted nothing else but to go home to the Philippines, but still.

Siguro less than a month na lang ang itatagal ko dito. Antagal ko nang hinihiling nitong pag-uwi na 'to men.

Matapos kong maranasan sa Japan ang lahaaaaat ng klaseng kahihiyan, lahat ng pagod, hirap, hinanakit, pag-iyak, ito pa pala ang piiinakamalupet sa lahat: ang pamamaalam.

Kanina binuking ako ni Kuya kina Mr. Nonki na uuwi na 'ko in a month (kahit na ilang beses kong pinagpilitang wag na wag nyang sasabihin.) Hindi ko sinasadya, pero sumakto sa 'kin ang mga katagang "burst out crying."

Parang ngayon lang nangyari yun sa buong buhay ko.

If you read my posts while I was still in Japan, you are guaranteed to become depressed. It was fucking torture, and I might not look it but I express torture well. (In my biography the chapter tackling those years will become known as the punny "Japanese Occupation.") I felt fucking stupid most of the time, especially at work, especially around Anjo, and you may not believe it but I am not a person who likes feeling stupid. I may not have been the person in the class with the highest grades, but you can bet your ass I was one hell of an underachiever. And proud. Anyway I digress. As I was saying, it was fucking torture. But, as all good things, all torture must come to an end. And the goodbyes, as you may guess, wasn't much of a surprise: fucking torture.


Because of the posts above as I said I realized June 27 has been significant for me in the last ten years. Well, at least this year was significant because I spent the night of the 27th at home, in a fetal position, having the worst cramps EVER, and all the great home-cooked meals my mom cooked for the weekend were retracing their steps up my throat and jack knifing out of my mouth just for kicks and I couldn't do anything because I was IN TOO MUCH PAAAIINNN and all Utoy and Ashley could do was sit beside me pat my head and tell their tita "Wawa youuuu. :( "


Yeah, so, basically, June 27 is a day of pain for me. Every year. Literally, figuratively, heart-breakingly, tear-jerkingly, gut-wrenchingly, painful. It's like a fucking curse.Wtf.


Anyway. 4:30 na pala. I decided to post after I finished watching Hana Yori Dango Final today and googled for some reviews and found out it was first shown on June 28, 2008 (I dare call myself a fan and watch the goddamn movie the first time exactly two years after it was first shown) and then remember that was the day after Anjo left.

Ok I'll shut up now.

Eto na naman po tayo.

Dahil may internet na 'ko sa bahay, nabuhay muli ang aking blog.
Simulan na lang natin sa quotable quotes kasi wala pa 'kong maisip.


Di nyo lang alam pero nangongolekta pa rin ako ng QQs. Tinatabi ko lang sa My Documents folder ko sa office. Ang galing ko di ba.

YM Status Series #1: Happy Birthday Riida ♥
bucchie: birthday ba ni ba-to ngayon?
jMe: hindi po
jMe: nung leader ng arashi
bucchie: aaahh
jMe: saka sir kung bday po ni baato hindi ko po lalagyan ng heart
bucchie: hehe
bucchie: may asawa kasi si baato.. malay ko ba
jMe: waaaaahahahahahaha
jMe: one point for you sir butch
bucchie: thank you
jMe: :))

Riida:

Sir Bert (center):

Wala natawa lang ako. Ang galing ni Sir Butch e, wahahahaha XD


Anyway, eto naman ang napili kong QQ of the Day.

QQ of the Day

bianx: sige sige

bianx: haha

bianx: oy, matulog ka na!

bianx: may ot ka pa bukas

bianx: :))

Tama naman sya di ba. Haha. Sige yun lang. Masabi lang na nag-post.

yeah, i've become THAT kind of fan already.

 So I learned today that there is a Japanese word for fans who only fangirl Arashi and only Arashi - あらせん (AraSen). "Ara" from Arashi, and "Sen" from "Senmon", meaning specialty.

Yeah, apparently I am that. And proud!

Wahahahahaha XD

So last Saturday we finally had DSL installed into our tiny condo (yay!) and I looked up some Arashi videos to download for my iTouch, and came across the live 5x10 performance from the 5x10Anniversary Tour. Suffice to say I had tears in my eyes watching it at our office balcony Monday noon having my lunch break yosi. Shet drama. Pero ang ganda men. Sakto pa badtrip ako nung Monday, sumwak sa senti mood.

So. Eto yung parang commemorative song na they wrote themselves for their 10th anniversary last year. Astig kasi parang inincorporate nila yung lyrics nung iba't ibang kanta nila. E since sobrang adik ako, medyo marami-rami rin akong na-identify na kinuhanan nilang kanta. Basta ang ganda talaga men, hindi ako nagsasawang pakinggan.

5x10
Track no.: 16 (Disc 2)
Album: 5x10 All the BEST! 1999-2009
Lyric: Arashi
Music: youth case
Arrangement: ha-j

出逢った数年　あれは偶然な気もするね　気付けば10年
空に舞い上がってゆく風船
華奢な5人で乗り込む　揺れる船
”ただ笑っとこう・・・”　”きっと夢が叶うとこ・・・”
そう言い聞かせてた頃の過去も現在胸にまとう（yeah）

焦り　不安　憤りばっか　なんか感じていた日々もあったな
でもあなたがいてくれたから　その笑顔温かかったから
歩いて来れたんだね（yeah）　横に並びつかんだ手（yeah）
この過ごした時間さえ・・・ってなんかね　いまはまだただ照れるね

体中に風を集めた僕ら、支えきれない悲しみも、
あなたがいたから　笑顔に出来た。

無邪気に奏でた不協和音は、色んな世界を見てきたんだ。
気が付けばいつの間にかそれが、僕らになってた。

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

”一歩一歩”近い道などないなら　信じる道を行くしかないから
もしもあなたが泣いたら　ここでまた逢おうよ
この相変わらずなヤツらからただ愛贈る（yeah）　共に望む未来 for you （yeah）
先の山は風で越える　飛べる
僕らの色で辺り染める　yeah

ひとりぼっちで覗いた空を、あなたも見ているのかな？
なら、歌うよ。　空に向かって・・・そう力の限り。

本気で泣いて、本気で笑って、 本気で悩んで、本気で生きて、 今がある、胸を張れる。

僕たちからは沢山の愛の 言葉しかもう本当に何にもないの 歌に乗せて再度 重ねた分のでっかい愛を

僕ら交わした声が消えないのならば、誓えるよこの愛を100年先も。
笑顔が咲いてますように。

ずっとずっと心にあるんだ。　だからこそ伝えてみたいんだ。
ありがとう・・・　”これからもありがとう”

ここに立ってる。　僕たちが今、輝けるのは君がいるから
5人でいる。　ずっといる。
今までを力に変えて、変わらぬ愛で包み込んだら
永遠が、ほら永遠が
僕と君だけに生まれたんだ。

La la la la・・・

Love Love for you


Medyo weird lang yung last line, biglang naging English, hahaha :)) Pero ayun na nga, naisingit nila yung lyrics ng A.RA.SHI., Love So Sweet, Beautiful Days, Step and Go, at iba pa sa isang kantang basically pasasalamat sa fans nila sa pagtangkilik sa kanila for the past ten years. Stig di ba.

Na-realize ko lang, nawiwirduhan ako dati sa mga taong nagbblog in Chinese, Japanese... pota tas ganun na rin ako. Arashi kasi e.

Ayun.

So as usual, para makalimutan ang lungkot, Arashi lang talaga ang solusyon. Parang asa Japan lang a.

Tayo-tayo rin ang magkakasama sa finish line.

Opis na naman. Dapat may perfect attendance award ako e. For weekends.

Ayun. Nalaman namin last week na malapit nang matapos 'to.
Hindi matatawaran ang nakaraang tatlong taon. Pag tinanong ako kung ano ang inatupag ko sa buong professional life ko so far, isang pangalan lang ang naiisip ko - KMBT.

Andito kami sa opis ngayon - ako, si Dulce, si Angel, si Ken - tuloy pa rin. Si Jim lang kulang.

Sa 'min nagsimula. Mukhang sa 'min din magtatapos.

At least someone thinks we were friends.

Buried as an afterthought in today's mail from my little birdie (ex-boss) in Hachiouji was the following line (though most of you probably read it off my YM status today):

あ、そういえば、ジェイミーさんと仲の良かった、Anjoさんは去年の年末でいなくなりましたよ・・・
なかなか厳しい時代ですね。

Translation: Speaking of which, you know the guy you were close with, Anjo, he was gone by the end of last year... really difficult times, no.

No explanation. The term he used to describe Anjo - "inakunarimashita" - literally means "became not there." What, did he die (of heartbreak over my going home)? Quit his job (as resident know-it-all of Dev11)? Lose his job (because our company keeps taking all the projects from the Japanese)?

Probably the third one (although still hoping it's the first). I don't think my boss would say it was sad if he quit. He probably got laid off. God on second thought I hope he quit though, for a new and better job. He's got a family to feed, fer chrissakes. (See, I probably won't burn in hell.)

Anyway. It's been like two years oh my God has it been that long? Siyet I only realized it while I was typing the words, "It's been like two years". Two years since the Anjo in Itami days, when I would literally freeze each time he entered the hard core smoking room while I was in there, when I would be over the moon over a single smile, when I would literally die with a single word. Two whole years since the Anjo thing started.

I guess it all started as a subconscious effort to avoid Jim's wrath if we both crushed over the same guy in Itami. Since Jim already staked his claim(s), and since Anjo was HELLO, THE HOTTEST THING IN ITAMI, I never had a chance. My whole Japan experience would then proceed to be divided into the periods "Before Anjo left Itami", "After Anjo left Itami", and "When I ran into Anjo in Hachiouji and we had a couple of drinks". I even stopped blogging after that time. "Parang tumigil ang mundo ko sa Hachiouji." Pathetic, yes? Don't worry, I actually know that.

Ugh it feels so weird writing after so long. I feel like I'm not making sense anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore. Hmm siguro kasi dati motivation ko mag-blog about Anjo... since wala na sya, ano nang isusulat ko? Arashi na lang. Kaso ako lang makakarelate dun, naaawa naman ako sa inyo. Sige praktis na lang ako magsulat ulit. Good thing I have PC+Internet na here at our old Citiland condo.

Utoy, on his first visit to the condo: (thoughtfully) "It kinda looks like The Grudge."

Sorry walang sense ang post. I... 'm not sure if what I learned today should actually affect me or not, since I don't now and probably won't see Anjo again anyway.

Either way, he's gone. And it does. Goddamit.