Unang Araw.

Nasanay lang sigurong nand'yan ka
'Di ko inakalang pwede kang mawala
'Yan na nga.

Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na
Ito ang unang araw na wala ka na.

- Sugarfree, "Unang Araw"

Minsan mabubwisit ka sa mga songwriters e.
Parang ninanakaw nila yung emosyon mo
at uunahan kang gawan ng kanta.


So. Friday. Buong araw akong kinukulit ni Jim na magbabay raw kami kay Anjo.
Gawin na raw namin lahat ng nakakahiya
dahil aalis na naman sya.
Nagmaganda 'ko.
Sabi ko, hinding-hindi ako magpapaalam sa kanya
at galit na 'ko sa kanya forever pag hindi sya ang nagbabay sa 'kin.
Personally.

Antigas ng mukha 'ko no?
Aalis na sya
forever
tas hahayaan ko syang umalis nang ganun na lang.
Lupet ko e.

Hapon na, tapos na ang weekly meeting namin nina Sir Bert
bumalik akong mag-isa't bad trip sa area namin.
Nadaanan ko sya.
Baka namalikmata lang ako
pero tiningnan nya 'ko nang matagal.

Sumimangot ako lalo.
Naisip ko kasi,
"Tangina mo titingin-tingin ka dyan.
Ganon ba 'ko ka-insignificant?
Nakapagbabay ka na sa lahat ng kaibigan mo a.
Hindi tayo magkaibigan,
pero may pinagsamahan din naman tayo kahit papano.
Don't I deserve a freaking goodbye?
Magkano ba yang babay mo?"

Galit at lungkot.
Panalong kumbinasyon.

Anyway.
To make the long story short,
my gamble paid off.
Nung gabi na at durog-durog na yung puso ko kakahintay sa babay nya
lumapit sya sa 'kin.

"Jamie-san, otsukaresama desu."

"Uh, otsukaresama desu."

Tas lumuhod sya sa tabi ko.
(Bakit kailangan nakaluhod?)
Kwento sya, huling araw nya na raw sa office
kasi lilipat na sya sa Tokyo.
Kunwari nagulat ako.
"Hontou desu ka?
Kyou desu ne."
(Di nya alam
dalawang linggo na 'kong nagluluksa sa pag-alis nya.)

Tuloy ang kwento.
Habang nagkukwento sya
nakatitig talaga 'ko sa kanya,
para tumatak sa utak ko yung moment na yun
dahil alam kong yun na ang huling beses na makikita't makakausap ko sya.
(Yuck jologs.)

Sabi nya, baka raw yung project nya dun,
may kinalaman dun sa ginagawa ko ngayon
kaya baka makatrabaho namin ulit ang isa't isa.
Gusto kong sabihin,
"Ulul pinaasa mo pa 'ko."
Pero hindi.
Sabi ko, "Sige, enjoy ka dun."

Natawa sya.
In fairness napatawa ko sya.
Ang kyut nya kasing tumawa e, putangina.
Tas sabi nya hindi raw sya sigurado kung mage-enjoy sya dun.
Biglang umepal yung katabi naming hapon.
"Tumatawa sya pero nalulungkot yan."
Tas nagtawanan kami.
Sabi ko,
"Sorry andami kong atraso sa 'yo a."
Sabi nya,
"Wala yun."

Tumayo na sya.
Nag-bow ako sa kanya.
Sabi ko,
"Osewani narimashita."

Tas.
Tapos na.

Pagkatapos nya 'kong kausapin
si Jim naman yung kinausap nya
pero mabilis lang
at hindi sya lumuhod.
Kung anuman ang ibig sabihin non.


I wish it was more epic than what it actually was
but the truth is,
that was it.
Sabi ko kay Kabo,
"That was all the closure I could get."
Sabi nya,
"Diba that was more than you asked for naman."

In fairness kay Anjo.
It was.


Salamat Anjo.
Akala ko kasi
iiwanan mo ako nang ganun na lang.
Ingat kayo sa Hachiouji.
Mata ne.

Patawarin ang senti mode.

I have been trying to find the words to write this post since Friday night.
There's this overwhelming urge to not write about Friday, because it would be too hard, too soon. Too final.

Not too mention too pathetic.

I reviewed my blog yesterday, and apparently there have been more than a couple of references to Anjo since July of last year.

==================================================================
Bored sa Office Mode (Jul 25, '07 4:29 AM)

Ang sweet ni Anjo saka ni Boyfriend (two cute guys)
Jme: "Inggit ka?"
Jim: "Selos ako... ganito pala yung feeling ng nagseselos."
==================================================================
Monthly Blog Post (Nov 4, '07 6:53 PM)

October 1, Monday
First day (pangatlong beses na) at KMBT Itami. Walang katapusang "Ohisashiburi desu!" ("Long time no see") sa mga boss. Nakita ko ulit si Lunch Guy. Pakshet ang gwapo nya pa rin. Ampogi rin ng boss ko, jackpot - si Sugano-san, a.k.a. Anjo. Ampogi rin ng boyfriend nya - si Yoshida-san, a.k.a. Boyfriend. Pota jackpot talaga. Kailangang pagplanuhan kung paano sila paghihiwalayin. Pagtitigisahan namin sila, harharhar. >XD
==================================================================
October 2007 KMBT QQs (Nov 9, '07 1:17 AM)

Sa wakas nagsalita si Athan
Aps: "Bakit 'Ang hirap lambingin ni Anjo' yung status mo sa YM?"
Jme: (whining) "Mahirap naman talaga kasi lambingin si Anjo e..."
Athan: (biglang nagsalita, galit na galit) "Bakit mo lalambingin yun e may asawa na yun?!?"

WAHAHAHAHAHA XD Anlabo ni Athan, ibang "lambing" kasi yung iniisip e... easy lang! Kaya tuloy may na-establish na naman kaming rule sa KMBT: BAWAL LAMBINGIN SI ATHAN. Wahahahaha XD
==================================================================
Weekly Report (Nov 24, '07 9:00 PM)

Thursday, November 15. I was performing machine testing on this bug fix I was working on, when suddenly... I died. I don't want to get into the details of what happened, but it would be suffice to say that I did in fact died. A little bit. At the end of the day, I sent an email to my boss Anjo telling him I wanted to die. Well, not in those words. But I think I got the point across.

Friday, November 16. Went to the office early so I could still sulk a little bit and bitch about my bad fortune. Kaso pagdating ko andun na si Anjo, and he talked to me. Ever so kindly. Then I checked my email, and may reply pa pala sya dun sa mail ko the night before.

ジェイミーさん

お疲れ様です。Anjoです。

特に気にしないでください。

The mail goes on to say stuff about what happened, tas ang ending, finorward ko yung mail kina Jeff at Jim.

From: Jamie Ann Zamodio
To: 'AWS：Jeffrey Patrick Lui'; 'Jim Francis Mariano'

Pwede bang ma-in love sa may asawa? Di ko naman sya lalambingin e. Pramis.

Anyway sooobrang bait talaga nung mail nya sa 'kin. I soo don't deserve it. Akala ko hindi na 'ko makaka-move on dun sa nangyari the previous day e, sobrang laki kasing screw up. As in instant notoriety. As in kung hindi nila ko papauwiin, uuwi akong Pilipinas mag-isa. Tas isang email lang from Anjo made it all better. Fucking unbelievable. Ang galing nya bumawi, parang yung lahat ng kasupladuhan nya nakalimutan ko. At lunch nag-consult ulit ako kay Athan tungkol kay Anjo.

Jamie: "Athan pano na pag yung may-asawa na yung nanlalambing sa 'kin?"
Athan: (walang isip-isip, galit na naman) "Kasalanan mo pa rin yon! May ginawa ka siguro!"
Jamie: (speechless)

Grabe wala talaga 'kong lusot kay Athan. Wahahaha XD

...

We were still feeling a little down after the yosi break pero ok lang kasi pagbalik ko sa desk ko, kinausap ako ni Anjo. And can I just say? SOOBRANG galing nya bumawi. As in. Lumiliwanag ang buhay. Parang kahit every week ako sabunin ni TI ayus lang basta afterwards kakausapin ako ni Anjo.

I fixed this bug, right, and it turned out na I didn't need to fix it just yet, I had to wait for another guy to fix some other part muna. And Anjo was explaining it to me and I was listening intently because I was writing down all the vocabulary I was going to look up after, and I noticed he was kinda laughing. Anjo was actually laughing. Kaya nakitawa na rin ako. Ang kyuuuuuuuut soobra, and he was saying all this unnecessary but totally cute commentary about the code structure of the system, and I was thinking yabai, Athan is sooooo going to kill me.

Anyway after we finished our conversation I was feeling all giddy and shit, and the moment Anjo turned his back Jim went, "I'm so jealous." I was thinking shet sana hindi alam ni Anjo yung english word na yon, kaso biglang may follow-up si Jim e.

"Urayamashii. Jamie no riida wa totemo kakkoi desu kara."

Ginawa pang Nihongo amp! Walang pakundangan! Grabe. Grabe talaga I couldn't stop laughing. Damn you Jim.

Jim: "Narinig mo ba nung nagtatawanan kayo, nakikitawa rin ako? Hahaha parang kasali ako sa usapan."

Angkulet. Afterwards, I talked to Athan.

Jamie: "Nakita mo yon? Nilalambing ako ni Anjo!"
Athan: (speechless)

Wahahahahaha XD I'm so sorry Athan!!! Hahaha XD
==================================================================
KMBT Bounenkai / Cute Japanese Boys Post (Dec 17, '07 5:48 AM)

This is the picture I never thought would actually materialize. Matagal ko na syang minemention dito sa blog ko. Laging asa YM status ko. Ayoko sa kanya nung una e, pero his habits - constantly unlocking his jaw, yung tawa nyang pang-asar, yung mystery ng pagka-sweet nya sa lahat ng mga tao except sa mga babae - these habits grow on you. Kaya may love-hate relationship kami nito e. Lakas mang-suplado pero pag nanlambing, nakakalimutan ko lahat ng hinanakit ko sa buhay. Kaya nung dumaan sya sa may table namin, picture agad kahit stolen lang!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Anjo, ang boss kong hindi ko makausap ng matino hindi dahil sa Nihongo kundi dahil sa overwhelming guilt at panghihinayang na nararamdaman ko tuwing naaalala kong may asawa na sya. Syeeeeeeet. Hahaha joke lang Athan. XD
==================================================================
2007: The Year in Review (Jan 1, '08 1:56 PM)

Some things I've learned living in Japan:
- Maraming gwapo sa Japan. You can go on and tell me na biased lang ako sa mga singkit, pero seryoso. I don't know what they have in the water here, pero every time I go out I always get to see a major hottie. Oftentimes I don't even have to go out, I just have to turn my head in the office and hello, there's Anjo, stretching and unintentionally lifting his shirt in the process, giving the world a free peek to his flat, toned stomach. Sigh. Which brings me to my next lesson learned.
- Bawal lambingin ang may asawa.
==================================================================
Kilig Moment of the Day (Feb 12, '08 10:51 PM)

Style ko bulok
Jamie: 「ライトファックスのセットアップは簡単ですか、複雑ですか？」
Anjo: 「そうですね、複雑ですね。。。」
Jamie: 「ヤッパリ。」
Anjo: （笑）

Translated
Jamie: "Yung set-up ng Right Fax, madali lang ba o kumplikado?"
Anjo: "Hmm, medyo kumplikado..."
Jamie: "SABI KO NA E."
Anjo: (laughs out loud)

AAAAARRRGHHH I HATE YOU ANJO BA'T MO KO PINAPAKILIG NANG GANITO. Ang gwapo nya talaga e, di ko sya kinakaya...
Mahigit isang linggo ko na syang di nakakausap, tas biglang nagkaroon ng chance dahil sa isang bug na sabi ni Boss Richard Gere e i-consult ko raw sa kanya. Umiiwas na nga ako e, kaso napipilitan ako dahil sa trabaho. Tsk. Bakit kasi mukhang J-pop idol 'tong ungas na 'to. Haaaay... kahit sobrang bad trip 'tong araw na 'to, isang ngiti lang nya na... ugh. Enough.

In other news, I hear I can go to hell for this. Hahahahaha XD
==================================================================
Because everyday is Valentine's Day for Anjo and Boyfriend (Feb 19, '08 3:23 PM)

Haaaay... kanina tinuro ko kay Jim ang isang sooobrang gandang tanawin...
Si Anjo, nakaupo sa sahig sa harap ni Boyfriend, nag-uusap, both of them looking sooo gwapo and sooo sweet...
Napapabuntong-hininga na lang ako sa inggit at sama ng loob.

Later
Jamie: "Kinilig ka?"
Jim: "Nagselos ako."
Jamie: "Kanino?"
Jim: "Sa kanilang dalawa. Kanino pa ba."

Haha. Akala ko it's one or the other e. Pareho pala.

Ugh. Ang gwapo nyo naman kasing dalawa. Akin na lang kayo.

Harharhar laki ng problema ko 'no XD
==================================================================
Jamie's Yearly Accomplishment Report (Feb 28, '08 11:23 PM)

In total I have spent seven months of the past year here. (Shet more than half.) So what have I been doing all that time?

On the technical side,
1. Finished first KMBT project; learned Flash and Rhino.
2. Finished second KMBT project; learned that I suck at programming.
3. Currently finishing third KMBT project; became 制御１３開発窓口; learned that I will forever suck at programming.

On the other hand,
1. Had picture taken with clueless Lunch Guy.
2. Became trainee of the hottest guy in KMBT Itami.
3. Found out hottest guy in KMBT Itami is married. :(
4. Became friends with forever clueless Lunch Guy.
5. Had picture taken with clueless boyfriend of the hottest guy in KMBT Itami.
6. Found out clueless boyfriend is married. :(
==================================================================
aaaaaaargh bat di ako makasulat.
Apr 14, '08 11:47 PM

Nag-mail ako kanina kay Anjo, at nabwisit na naman ata sya sa tanong 'ko. Naguuubo na naman sya nang napakalakas sa upuan nya habang nagrereply sya sa mail ko e. "Fuck, another stupid question from Jamie," nai-imagine kong tumatakbo sa utak nya. Ay mali. Dapat pala "くっそ～、このばかやろう～。" Kulang na lang ibalibag nya yung keyboard nya, tulad nang ginagawa nya dati.
==================================================================
Sunday, Glorious Sunday
May 25, '08 8:45 AM
Anyway. Galit ako kay Anjo. Dahil sa mga tinago nyang bugs nung sya pa yung may hawak ng current project namin, nagkakandarapa kami ngayon para i-fix silang lahat. Napakawalanghiya. Baka ja nai ka.

Me: "Do you know who implemented [functions kung saan pinakamarami yung bugs]?"
Richard Gere: "Hmm, probably Anjo-san and his team."
Me: "Ooh." (ngitngit na ngitngit)
Richard Gere: (laughs) "Why?"
Me: (palusot) "Um. So I know who to ask when I have questions."
Richard Gere: (nakisakay na lang) "Yes, please do that."

Haha in fairness kay Richard Gere.
==================================================================
Arashi Picture of the Day
Jun 9, '08 10:31 PM

Anyway. Haven't posted in a while. Medyo busy since umuwi na sina Dulcinea two weeks ago. Awts. AWTS TALAGA MGA BAKLA KAYO. Anyway what happened ba in that span of time, hmm... wala naman masyado. Nagpakabibo sa trabaho as usual. Kaso letse absent si Anjo today, nakakawalang gana. Seryoso. Pag andyan sya nakaka-inspire e. Parang, kailangan kong ipakita sa kanya na kaya ko rin namang gawin yung trabaho nya, letse. Kahit ilang buwan pa lang ako sa trabahong 'to. Kahit di naman talaga 'ko programmer. Baket, nakaka-close naman kami ng bugs a. Naiinvestigate at natatransfer naman namin sila. Partida na, hindi ako marunong mag-Nihongo. See, I'm not totally useless, you jerk. Respeto naman jan. Onting acknowledgement. Ngiti naman. Padila naman ng... ice cream. Wahahaha joke.

Pero seryoso. Namiss ko si Anjo. Kahit award si Morning Meeting Guy today. Kahit nagkita na kami ng miss na miss ko nang si Richard Gere. Kahit tinulungan ako ni Big Brother, Mesa, at ni Smokey nang sabay-sabay kanina. Iba pa rin pag anjan si Anjo e. Maliwanag ang buhay.

Anjo letse pumasok ka na. Bumababa productivity ko pag wala ka e.
==================================================================

If you read through all that, congratulations. You are either Dulce, or, you have nothing better to do than read about me gushing about Anjo, in which case I feel sorry for you. (Hindi ko pa pala sinama lahat ng references sa lagay na yan.) Anyway, obviously Anjo and I - well, at least I did - enjoyed a love-hate relationship. I loved him and he hated me. (Click here.)

So. Apparently I still can't write about Friday. I actually have written several drafts already, but none of them seemed good enough, fitting enough to mark the end of... well anyway. Wag pilitin kung ayaw.

Next time.

Hayup sa lungkot ng tuldok.

Kanina pa 'ko gising.
Pero ayokong pumasok.
Taena.

Babay + QQs

Will be out from today til Sunday for the annual company outing. This year, for the 15th anniversary, us onsite peeps will be heading to Okinawa, an island in the south of Japan, for some well-deserved R&R. It's supposed to be a beach thing, however things don't look too good as it has been raining since Wednesday. Anyway some quotable quotes before I go.

Corny mo Jiggs
Jiggs: "Pano pirma mo? Gagayahin ko."
Jim: (nagpauto naman, pumirma)
Jiggs: (hides the piece of paper, pretends to scribble on it, then returns it with the signature intact) "Galing ko manggaya no."
Jim: (silence) "Di na kita friend."

Ba't sa 'kin sweet si Tamai-san
Jamie: "Napansin ko lang, iba mag-mail si Tamai-san kay Athan tas iba sya mag-mail sa 'kin. 'Kakunin shimashita. Mondai arimasen.' Ganon lang sila ni Athan."
Sir Bert: "Professional kasi si Athan e."

May hard on na naman si Jim
Jamie: "Wag ka namang ma-turn on sa 'kin."
Jim: "Ayan wala na. Naisip kita e."

Mahirap intindihin ang English ng Kung Fu Panda
Jamie: "Favorite ko yung 'I've seen paintings of this painting!'"
Jim: (genuinely puzzled) "Bakit? Di nga 'ko natawa dun e."

Magkaiba ang tinuro ni Shigs saka ni Anjo
Sir Bert: "Sino'ng susundin natin?"
Jamie: "Sino bang mahal mo?"
Sir Bert: "Si Hazel." (ang sweet mo talaga sir)

Binenta na naman ako ni Jim
Jamie: "Hayuuup."
Jim: "Dapat nga bayaran mo 'ko. Nilalakad na nga kita e."

Kuleeet. Anyway it's true, grabeng pambebenta ginagawa sa 'kin ni Jim lately. He's been talking to one of Anjo's friends (let's call him Aldy) every chance he gets to extract information about Anjo's move to Hachioji.

Jim to Aldy: "Samishii na. Demo AWS no naka ni, mienai desu ga, ichiban samishii wa Jamie-san desu."
Translation: "Anlungkot naman. Pero sa 'ming AWS, kahit hindi halata, si Jamie yung pinakamalulungkot."

Ayan, kaya nasabi nyang nilalakad raw nya 'ko. Nakakahiya sobra, gusto kong mamatay sa sobrang hiyaaaaa. Napakawalanghiya ni Jim. Pa-cool ako palagi sa office e, kebs kunyari, tas ibuking daw ba na sobrang lungkot ko sa pag-alis ni Anjo.

Dulce: "Ok lang yun, totoo naman e."

Walanghiya ka baklaaaaaaaaaaa. Totoo nga, pero ayokong malaman nya pa yuuuuunnn. Aalis na nga lang sya magkaka-awkward moments pa kame, syet.

Anyway. Last day nya next Friday. As KJ as it sounds I would reeeeeeeally rather be at the office today than go to Okinawa. Sayang yung isang buong araw na makakasama ko pa si Anjo sa office e. :(

Ja yun muna. Umagang-umaga depressing amp. Anyway be back Sunday. Baboosh!

Kailangan ko ng closure.

Aalis na sya.

Aminado naman ako e.
Pumapasok ako ng office,
excited na malaman lang kung ano'ng isusuout nya nang araw na 'yon.
Kung bago ba, bagay ba.
Kung magsasalamin ba sya today o hinde.
(Kasi gwapo na sya nang may salamin, mas gwapo pa pag wala.)
Makakasabay ko ba sya sa yosihan today.
Magbo-bow ba sya pag nagkasalubong kami today.
Naka-tuck in ba sya today.
Makikitaan ba sya ni Jim today.
Malalaman ko ba kung ano'ng kulay today.
Maglalambingan ba sila ni Boyfriend today.
(Kikiligin ba 'ko o magseselos today?)
Maliliit na bagay lang
pero sobrang laki na ng epekto sa araw ko.

Tas aalis na sya.

Kinausap ko sya kahapon
nung hindi ko pa alam na aalis na sya.
Antagal kong pinag-isipan yung sasabihin ko
kasi sobrang kabado talaga 'ko.
Paglapit ko sa kanya napansin ko
hindi pala sya naka-salamin.
(Muntik ko nang makalimutan yung sasabihin ko.)

Jamie: "Um, suimasen. Shitsumonshitemo ii desu ka?"
Sya: "A, ii desu yo."

Tas pinalapit ko sya sa PC ko.
Lumuhod sya sa tabi ko.
Tas nakinig sya nang mabuti sa tanong ko.
(Pinaulit pa nya kasi hindi nya ata naintindihan dahil nagkautal-utal ako.)
Tas pinaliwanag nya yung sagot nya.
Sobrang sweet.
Sobrang lambing.
(It was all I could do not to fall off my chair right then and there.)
Kaya pala ambait nya
kasi aalis na sya.
Kung kelan kaya ko na syang kausapin.
Kung kelan kaya ko na syang yabangan,
"Oi, kaya ko nang gawin yung tinuro mo sa 'kin dati."
"Dali lang pala e. 'Kala mo a."

Aalis
Na
Sya.

Sa KMBT Hachioji na sya magtatrabaho.
Kasama yung pamilya nya, malamang.
Wala nang balikan.
Jamie = Osaka.
Sya = Tokyo.
Anlayo nun men.

Hindi nya 'to mababasa
at mapuntahan man nya 'to, hindi rin nya maiintindihan.
Pero gusto ko lang sabihin
na wala ako sa kinalalagyan ko ngayon
- literally and figuratively -
kung hindi dahil sa kanya.
Na nagsisikap akong galingan yung trabaho 'ko
unang-una para makuha ang respeto nya.
Sa ngayon malabong nakuha ko na
(dahil hindi pa naman ako magaling talaga)
pero hanggang kahapon ang iniisip ko talaga
balang araw, tangina alam kong makukuha ko rin yon, antayin nya lang.
Balang araw, may karapatan na rin akong lambingin sya.
Tas biglang ayun.
Now we'll never know.
And he'll never know.

Kasi aalis na sya.

Tama na nga ang drama.
Hindi ko rin naman talaga 'to masasabi sa kanya.
Things left unsaid - specialty ko yun e.
Anyway.

Salamat sa lahat, Anjo.
Hindi ko naisip
na magiging ganito kang kalaking kawalan sa buhay 'ko.